Nice to be known

Spend 15 years in one place and for sure you will be recognized. I'll miss that when we move. But then again, maybe it won't take that long to be recognized. We've only been in Sunnyvale for 3 years and we're "regulars" in lots of places.

Pho Saigon - Not only do they know our faces and kids, I think they know our order too.
Oakmont Produce - Checker tonight just said, "What, no kids tonight?"
Elegance Hair - When calling for an appt with Jimmy, I said, "Haircut for 2 boys" and he goes, "Oh yeah, I know who you are!"

But that doesn't quite rival recognizing servers in Chinese restaurants, even when they change restaurants. Or chatting it up with the owner (?) of the Los Altos Hunan Homes while running into her at a Chinese bookstore. It's one thing to recognize people around town when they are in their context, but to recognize them outside of context, it's almost like being an actual acquaintance. Or maybe finally Mr. Lee at Joy Luck San Mateo will recognize me (and give me a table without reservations?) without my dad in tow.

Maybe this is why Tom really would like a small town feel to wherever we move. A "downtown" would be nice. A sense of community, that for me, the same people will be there every time you go and for them, that I will keep going too. I hope that now with the consistency of kids and school, it won't take us 15 years to feel like we're really IN the community.

Small house = violent conditions

As I dream about the possibility of a bigger house on the East Coast, I am more aware of my irritation with a small living space. And irritation built of over time triggered by two young children breeds a lot of yelling and tantrums, by me! And while I don't want to just move to the place where we could get the biggest house (we want to consider community feel and Tom's potential commute), having seen some nice houses (especially in Andover and in the DC area) does make we wonder "what if" a lot, not just for a nicer house, but perhaps triggers for my temper.

• What if I had a full finished basement? Then the kids and their toys can primarily be down there. Then their toys won't be immediately in my path between kitchen and dining table while I carry a plate of hot dinner. Or the toy mess won't be the first thing I see when I enter the house. Or the kids can throw their softie balls without them flying onto the stove or into the sink. Or when they do get in their messy mood, I only see the aftermath instead of have to listen and get frustrated throughout the whole process. The kids might not use the hallway as their playroom as often as they do now (I think I've thrown enough tantrums that they've taken a break from "camping" in the hallway.)
  
• What if the bedrooms were a little more spread out? Then Tobey's head wouldn't literally be inches away from my head on the other side of a thin wall. I wouldn't feel like rolling over in my squeaky bed might wake him up (although Tobey's become a lot more of a solid sleeper over the years). I could walk through the hall on our squeaky wood floor without having to pass right by the kids' doors. We could flush our toilets at night and not worry that it will wake up the kids. Maybe Tobey's coughing won't wake up Eli a mere 15 ft. away, two doors down the hall.
  
• What if we had four bedrooms? Our sleeping arrangements won't be turned upside down when someone visits us (although finally Tobey and Eli can sleep well in the same room, that helped a lot). Maybe we could host more than just one of our family members at a time instead of some of them in a hotel. Maybe we could have a proper office space or dare I dream, a craft room? *Sigh*
• What if I had a bigger kitchen with a real pantry and desk space? More kitchen counter space means that when I clutter it, less of my actual food prep area is impacted and maybe I won't feel like a such a slob. I'd have the freedom to buy big flour and sugar jars and cook and bake with ease without feeling like I'm taking up counter space. Maybe our confiscated and broken toys as well as laptop and mail wouldn't take up such a significant piece of our counter. Maybe we'd have space under the counter for our garbage along with our reverse osmosis filter so that our trash doesn't have to sit on our counter. We could store our food items in a real pantry instead of going to our garage to get a can of soda.

The plus side of the small house. 1) Besides Alice, who seems to be supportive in my dream for a bigger house, everyone says bigger house means bigger house to clean. 2) I'm forced to purge belongings more. Holding a garage sale or donating is cathartic for me. If I can't see some good baseboard length in any given room, I get antsy and need to reorg or declutter. 3) Less square footage to heat or cool. 3) Think of all those teachable moments I've already given the kids from all the extra rules that comes from being in a small house.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. And for sure I don't want Tom to ever think that he hasn't provided for us because at the time we bought, I felt very blessed that we could buy at Silicon Valley prices on one income at all. And I do still feel blessed because with his hard work we made our outdated house a little more stylish. And we also are in a nice neighborhood with nice neighbors that we actually know. I don't regret our purchase at all. We did the best we could at the time. I guess now I'm just dreaming of a little more.

You read that right

We finally told our growth group, couples group and closer friends about our intent to move and so more or less, the cat's out of the bag.

For those who don't know, Tom and I are seriously considering moving back to the East Coast. For those who have known us for a long time, you may have the same reaction as my old roommate Cecelia: "Yeah, RIGHT!" We've talked and toyed with the idea for a long time. So long that when we bought our house 3 years ago, some friends were like, "But weren't you thinking about moving to the East Coast?"

I'd say now we're more serious and we have a time/deadline: kids.

The major motivation to move is to be closer to family. Tom's brother (who he is very close to) is in New Hampshire and my parents are still in Maryland. Those are our primary targets: Boston and the DC area. Although Tom's parents remain in Pittsburgh, we didn't really consider relocating to Pittsburgh because the job opportunities for Tom are slim.

So we say we have a deadline of the kids because the kids are growing up so fast. If we don't move now, I feel like we're going to miss an opportunity to really grow up with family nearby. Our ideal timing is before Tobey starts kindergarten, which would be next summer (2008).

Our decision to move is difficult to say the least. It is bittersweet because while there's an excitement to starting somewhere new and meeting up with family, there's a great unknown of leaving our many friends here and wondering whether we'll find anyone to be able to replace some of our most cherished friends here.

We also decided to move several months ago, starting to seriously think about it after our visit to DC/Maryland last New Year's. It has been weird to plan on moving in our minds and yet not really talk about it with friends until we were more sure of our decision. At some point I felt like we were holding things back from some of our closer friends, plus wanting to ask friends for prayer during this transition. So with our Boston reconnaissance trip coming up, it seemed almost past due that we told our friends our plans so that they could hold us up in prayer.

It has also been weird to make plans for this school year, wanting to establish community especially at school and yet also realize that we might not be here past this school year. It was a weird trade off of stepping down from organizing hospitality at Mom's Time Out out of fear of not being "present" enough to effectively lead during this year of preparing to leave, but then volunteering to be a room parent at Tobey's school so that he has a sense of community and social activity during this school year. Being here and yet not being here is a really weird middle ground to be. And if our plans get delayed a year, I would seriously consider paying 1 year's private tuition for Tobey to stay at Yew Chung's kindergarten because of the great community. We'll see.

It's a roller coaster of emotions thinking about our kids and this move. We've technically never told Tobey that we're planning on it and yet he's picked it up in conversation. Of course he has no idea of what moving really entails and I just hope that we can be sensitive to his emotions about moving as we sort through ours. It's a little sad for me to think that Eli will probably have no recollection of our current house, just like Tobey has no recollection of our condo. And as I perused some of the real estate online and imagined ourselves in a bigger house, I got emotional just thinking about Tobey and Eli running around a new house, happy as clams in a bigger shell. In reality, they probably don't know the difference between our tiny Bay Area home vs. a nice big colonial on the East Coast. But I get misty just thinking about their carefree innocent days in a bigger house with a real yard.

A friend told me that although she's sad for us to go, she is also excited for us. She has had thoughts of going somewhere new too, but she is already where we are going: in town with all her family. She is "stuck" (for lack of a nicer word) but is excited for this new chapter in our family. I am too, at least that's what I remind myself when I get sad about leaving. Between recon trips, house hunting online and Tom's job search, I hope we will have time to live it up this year. We'd like to hit the Southern CA amusement parks before we leave. Maybe Hawaii for our 10th anniversary while we're still on the West Coast? I imagine it's a little like being told we have one year to live and making the most of it.

And know that whenever you visit Boston or DC, you'll have a friend to stay with!